Nine and MINE!

Nine years ago today I gave birth to one of the greatest joys of my life. I sat there telling him his birth story as I tucked him into bed last night, watching him glow and listening to the happy giggles leave his body, and all I could think of is where the hell did it all go. My little boy, the youngest of my sons, is NINE and I can't remember it all.

I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. I remember the days in the hospital that followed just as clearly. What I can't remember are all the inbetweens from then to now. How did I let it slip by without storing every moment in my head? I have his scrapbooks, I have his baby book, I have lots of things written down to remember but I want to live it over in my head now. Every detail of his young existence and I can't. I want to remember the first time he said "mom", the way his little baby head smelled right after he was bathed, his soft hand in mine when it was so small that his fingers didn't reach across the palm of my hand. Those are the things I want to remember. I want to hold onto those young years just a little bit more.

Yes, I have scraps of his life saved. Most are just for me. Things no one will care to know. But I want more. I want it all. I don't want to forget it all and the fact of the matter is....I have 4 children to remember and I can't remember it all.

As I kissed my sweet boy goodnight last night, for a mere moment I was sad. I felt like I had missed something and then I remembered that I have to save room in my memory for all that he is to become. He will grow every day. There will be so much more to remember. I have to live in the moment now. The fact of the matter is.....they grow all too fast and I need to remember what I can and like it. He still has so many more firsts to come and I will remember some and write down the rest and I will only remember those moments when I read them.

I will wish 10 years from now I could remember his 9th birthday and I will have to look at the pictures to remember and I will remember then. It's why I scrapbook. I preserve these memories so that someday when I don't remember I will have my books to remind me. Because no matter what, I am no supermom with super memory capabilities. I am your every day average mom who does her best.

So today I will document, I will scrapbook and I will write. Today my baby boy turned 9. The last year of his single digits. It's a day worth celebrating and celebrating big.

We had a party with some of his friends. I heard that big belly giggle that he still has, after all these years. The giggle that makes me laugh every time I hear it. Signs that he still is little. I love those signs. Nine. It might be huge. It might be the last of the single digits but damn he's still little and he's still mine!

Happy Birthday my sweet Boo! This ones for you and your book ( I write him a goofy poem every year for his birthday page):
He bright,
He shines,
He's enthusiastic,
He's mine.

He laughs
He plays
He uses imagination every day.

He makes me laugh,
He makes me smile
He is goofy..... there's no denial.

He once was so small, young and fragile
Today he's nine and he's grown a mile.
No matter how big he grows, you see
He'll always be my baby boy to me.

Love you so much!