She loves me.....

This one says: "Mommy don't leave me. I love you mom. I will miss you mom very much.

This one says: All about are friends. Don't go. I need you. I don't want you to go. I don't want you to leave.

It's the end of the school year. Lots of work is coming home. I had 2 full bags of Faith's stuff to go through last night. Her writing blows me away. She loves to write things down. In the piles I found these. My heart broke with each one.

For the past 2 years I have made very few appearances at the school because the second she sees me she goes from being a very well behaved child to and emotional basket case. She fears the thought of me leaving the moment she sees me.

She is very attached to her momma. In ways it's very good but in ways it's very bad. I can only do drop off's at school on the days that Ray has meetings and can't do it. I can't get out of the car and I have to make sure we are running late so that she doesn't think about me leaving just getting to that back door before it's locked.

I thought it would get better as the year progressed and in some ways it has. I don't have to hide so much when I go into the school to see the boys. Her room is directly across from the office so I have had to sneak into the office to check in or just wave furiously to the office from the entrance and go the roundabout way so she doesn't see me.

I went in to watch Trevor give a presentation the other day. Brycen was already in Trevor's room. I sent him down to get Faith and she came up and sat quietly in my lap to watch Trevor's presentation. I had to leave right afterwards to move my car for the busses and do an errand. She let me leave without tears. That's huge for her.

Then on Tuesday I went to meet her on a field trip to Forest River Park. I stayed for about 2 hours. I left work to go. I had things to do in the afternoon and my back was killing me. I had prepared her earlier that day that I would be leaving early and while I was with her on the trip I reminded her. When it was time for me to go it started. She clung to me and wouldn't let me go. The whine started and then the eyes filled up with tears. It made me sad. I explained that she had to let me go or I wouldn't be able to do anything else school related with her. She is 7 now and she is going to be a 2nd grader. She needs to act like a 2nd grader and let mommy leave. She tried so hard. I could see her holding back the tears. I got about 20 kisses and hugs but she let me go. She ran off to play with her friends....all the while holding back her tears....but she let me go. No one had to pull her off of me. She wasn't screaming frantically for me. She did it all by herself and I am so proud of her

When I went to bed last night I left these on the table to save for her scrapbooks. When I got up 2 were missing. Ray told me she quietly came down and looked at them and then put them in the recycling bin. I think she's going to be ok. I think next year's going to be much better. I think my little girl is growing up.

What she doesn't know is that inside my heart is saying the same things to her. I love her and I miss her. I will miss the little girl of today. She will grow to be a wonderful woman but I will always long for the little girl.

She doesn't know that this momma loves her right back twice as much as she loves me.