So I know I have been bad about blogging. Life has definitely gotten in the way of my computer time. I have taken on way too much these past few months and my New Year resolution is to make time for me and the things I love. Blogging is one of them.
It's now the day after New Years Day and we still have no concrete biopsy results on the tumor in Faith's eye. For those who don't know here is a recap of recent events....
About 3 months ago Faith was goofing around in the mirror making weird faces. She pulled her eyes in a goofy way and she saw this bump. Her eyes had been sore and blood shot for the past few days but we thought nothing of it as the heat had been on for a cold day and I thought it was just irritation to that. She had me look at it and it was a red, yellowish bump that was on the pink skin that surrounds the eyeball, but close to the corner where her tear duct is. I thought it might be a blocked duct but in a weird place as it wasn't touching the lid anywhere near the duct. It pressed on her eyeball when she let it go...hence the irritation. I took her to the Dr.s that week and they put her on an antibiotic eye drop thinking it might be a pink eye or blocked duct. After 2 weeks it didn't go away. I made an appt. with an ophthalmologist at Boston Children's Hospital. After a lengthy visit he didn't know what it was and put her on steroid drops for 2 weeks. We went back and there was no change except it was a little bigger and more irritating. He told me it was a tumor but he wasn't sure what kind. he said "it's not one of the scarier tumors but none-the-less I want to get it out asap and get it under the microscope." He cleared a spot in his calendar and squeezed her in last Thursday (week before Christmas. She did great during the surgery. This past Tuesday we went into Mass Eye & Ear. He expected to have the biopsy results. He checked for them TWICE while we were there. He again said that it didn't have the characteristics of the scarier cancers....it was the first time he used that nasty C word and my heart dropped. He couldn't answer any of my questions without the biopsy results so here were are. Waiting.
Brenden is home and Taylor was here. It's been a long time since all 7 of us had been together. Taylor came for Christmas and she hasn't been here for a Christmas in Faith's lifetime. It was extra special as Brenden came home too and I love having all my kids home.
The demands of life are on hold this week. I am spending time with the kids and enjoying every minute of it. The battles will continue next week.
School sucks for Brycen this year. The school is a mess and I am in there fighting with them every other day. His classroom teacher up and quit 2 Friday's ago. They hired the substitute they had and he hates her. He comes home miserable every day. They have switched the classrooms around again and he now has a new math class for the THIRD time since September. He has learned nothing this year. The homework they send home is just "busy" work. It's not an extension of anything they are learning about in class, they don't review it and it's a total waste of our time. We spend hours a week trying to write these papers and then he never sees it or hears about the topic again. I'm fed up. We are touring Landmark in January. We are going to try to get a guardian ad litem appointed for Brycen and see if we can't get some form of legal aide for him to fight on his behalf. We can't afford a lawyer. I am completely lost when it comes to this stuff but he needs help and I will do whatever it takes. He deserves and education and he is just falling between the cracks. The new interim principal is FANTASTIC. I love him. He even pulled Brycen in his office to have a heart to heart talk with him about using his voice activated computer as the teachers aren't pushing the issue and they are letting Brycen do whatever he wants.....so NOT going to happen that way. Brycen doesn't get to make those choices, I do and he is to use that computer. So I rest and get my bearings back this week and go back and fight with everything I have.
Trevor has been sick since July. It's been horrible. He has had sinus infection after sinus infection. We had him allergy tested the Wednesday before Christmas. His dust mite allergy has increased 10 fold. It's really bad and it's going to be life altering for me. Cleaning obsessively...ok more obsessively, especially during the winter. I have slacked. My back hurts so much that it's hard to keep up with the dust but I have to just force myself through the pain. He deserves the best and if it kills me I will make sure his home is as clean as it possible. He deserves a clean air to breathe. Me slacking decreases his quality of life and I can't watch him struggle to breathe anymore. I can't hold that mask over his face in the middle of the night because he can't breathe. He deserves more. He may need to go on weekly allergy shots. While dust mites are huge so are all of natures elements, pine, oak, maple, pollen, rag weed was the worst behind the dust mites and more. I just can't think right now. The poor kid just suffers. My heart breaks. I am praying that we can bypass the weekly shots for a while. They are considered an office visit so it will cost us a lot of money every month to take him for them and I just don't know how we will swing it with all the other medicines we have to pay for. I am going to call Mass Health this week and see if he qualifies. It would help so much if they could help us cover the cost of all these meds. It's just so stressful.
2009 was a hard year. One of the hardest I have ever had to endure in my 43 years. I am praying that 2010 is better. I read a blog and at the beginning of every year she asks her readers to chose a word that they want to live by for that year. Just one word. I think I have two...#1 is Organized and #2 is Fearless...although the 2nd one seems impossible as so much scares me right now. I fear so many things, even as I type this, my heart pounds and I don't think I will be able to live up to it....so instead of applying it directly to my personal life I am going to apply it to my creating life and slowly introduce it into the personal. So organized is my one word. I have lots of list and planning to do. I am going to try can create a schedule from now until next December and use it as a monthly guideline and try to use it as best I can. Wish me luck.
If you had to pick a word what would it be? Leave a comment by clicking on the comment button and let me know.
Lots of love,
Michelle
PS: the prelim report on Faith came in, a Dr. took a quick look and said it doesn't look "too worrisome". I don't know what that means. Please pray that her Dr. reads the full report and calls me on Monday and that my baby girl is going to be ok.... see "fear".
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